20170401 Leviticus Week 24 Vayikra

Gleanings from our Shabbat fellowship.

I’m so excited to be back in the book of Leviticus. It’s become among my two favorite books of the bible (the other being Deuteronomy) because it teaches us Yahweh’s heart. It teaches us how to properly function in Yahweh’s creation. It also teaches us serious sin is to Yahweh our Elohim.

Yah tells us over and over again what sin is in these first 6 chapters of Leviticus. He tells us that “and they have done against any of the commandments of Yahweh which should not be done… ”

So clearly sin is breaking Yahweh’s instructions. If we go with the hermeneutical law of first mention, the definition cannot change as Yahweh is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Yahweh takes sin very seriously! He also wants us to give thanks..

We also see some instruction on what part of the animal Yahweh intended us to eat, only the meat.. not the organs, not the blood, and not the fat. We are to remove the thick layers of fat that cover the meat and the internal organs.

Scientifically speaking, the internal organs, the fat, and the blood are what contains the toxins and other stuff in the animal that are not fit for human consumption. Yahweh instructs us to remove those and burn them and they will be a sweet savor unto our Elohim.

Sin, spiritual toxins. When we allow Yahweh to remove that sin from our lives and we burn it (permanently eradicate it from our lives), the prayers and fruits created by this action are a sweet savor unto our King. Yahweh desires obedience just like any respectable human being. We have been given free will and Yahweh wants us to use that free will for His glory. It’s love, the actions we take despite our flesh that show Yahweh that either, we love Him, or we our sin.

With Passover, The Feast of Unleavened Bread, and Firstfruits coming, we also discussed what to do for Passover and what Yahweh directed us to do. At first glance it just sounds like rituals but when one considers the seriousness of sin and what exactly that Passover lamb represents, we can glean rich meaning from Passover.

We were to take a lamb without blemish and keep it and raise it in the home as a pet. Protect it and keep it from harm until Passover when we would kill it and spread it’s blood on the doorposts of our home. Then we roast it over fire after preparing it and eat all of it, none was to be left until the morning, and whatever was left, whatever we couldn’t eat would be burned.

All of the animals sacrificed to Yahweh were to be without blemish, the first fruits. My brother suggested something that was very interesting. How would you keep it from being blemished, how would you mark it so that you know which one is for the sacrifice, which one belongs to Yahweh? You can’t put a tag through its ear or brand it because that would cause blemishes…

No, my brother suggested that you would set that animal apart,  remove it from the rest of the animals and keep it in a special place where it would be protected and cared for until the sacrifice.

It’s the same sort of thing we have with our sin. Many people use the excuse that “It’s just me, I can’t change that”.. and without Yahweh I would have to agree. Physical instances of breaking instruction, or sinning, are manifestations of deeper rooted sin. They are the fruits of an uncircumcised heart.  Without realizing it, we treasure our sin, it provides immediate comfort and a false sense of affection, belonging, power, among other attributes that we desire. It’s all temporary and is soon followed by shame, guilt, pain, self-pity and then we freeze, we get stuck, we either have to repent or continue to sin in order to get that temporary relief again.

We hold onto our sin and care for it and treasure it like the Passover lamb or any other offering. It becomes who we are.

For the feast of unleavened bread, we are to do a “spring cleaning” and remove all the leaven from our homes.

Many products I use on a daily basis contain leaven. My pickles, the vinegar is made using yeast which is leaven. I take raw organic apple cider vinegar at least 3 times a day but, once again, it contains leaven. Of course, leavened bread is an obvious product which contains leaven. I also use mustard on man things, tabasco sauce, many cleaning supplies contain vinegar. All of these things which I use on a daily basis for flavor and for health contain leaven.

I was a bit saddened when I realized that I can’t have my vinegar, pickles, and mustard for that week (only a week ya’ll) because of the benefits I get from the raw organic apple cider vinegar. I haven’t gone without it except for short periods of time since I started using it in 2006.

I realized as I was basking in my self-pity for having to go without these things that I do the same thing with the sin in my life. It’s easy to desire to be without the sin that causes immediate and obvious damage to myself and others around me, but the sin that less obvious and provide immediate comfort or sin that has become part of my life is another story.

The thought of removing these sins from my life is very uncomfortable and will even make me sad to realize that it must be removed from my life if I want to obey Yahweh and love Him with ALL of my heart, soul, and strength and love my neighbor as myself. I realize that in the bigger picture, obedience is the key to the purification of my heart and we know from Matthew chapter 5 that, “blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see Yahweh”

This sin blocks us from seeing Yahweh, if we are going to be unblocked then we must be willing that this sin be removed from our lives.

Just like the products I use on a daily basis for health, wellness, flavor, and cleaning; removing this sin from my life will be uncomfortable and inconvenient.

This is how serious sin is to Yahweh. Imagine raising a lamb as a treasured pet and then being required to slaughter that lamb.. How heartbreaking… but how heartbreaking to Yahweh is the sin we harbor in our lives?

I must also  be willing to allow that sin to be removed from my life just like I must be willing to be obedient to Yahweh in removing the leaven from my house. Yahweh desire obedience but he desires that obedience to be of free will.

Proverbs 16:3 says “commit thy Works unto Yahweh, and thy thoughts shall be established.” then in verse 5, “by mercy and TRUTH iniquity is purged: and by the fear of Yahweh depart from evil”

I must take the action of removing the leaven from my house just like I must take the action of removing the sin from my life and through that obedience Yahweh will change my heart. How does one purge iniquity (lawlessnes), by practicing mercy and acting on truth.

What is truth? Psalm 119 answers that question, Yahweh’s instruction (Torah) is truth. Yeshua is the walking talking Torah according to John chapter 1.

“ALEPH. Blessed are the undefiled in the Way, who walk in the law of Yahweh. Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, seek him with the whole heart. They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways. Thou has commanded to keep thy precepts diligently. O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes! Then shall I not be ashamed, when I have respect unto all they commandments. I will praise thee with uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy righteous judgements. I will keep thy statute: O forsake me not utterly.



…… verse 43 And take not the word of TRUTH utterly out of my mouth; for I have hoped in thy judgements. So shall I keep thy LAW continually for ever and ever. And I will walk at liberty: for I seek thy precepts. (Obedience to Yahwey’s instruction is true liberty)

….. verse 142 They righteousness is an everlasting righteousness, and THY LAW IS THE TRUTH.”

Yahweh’s law is the Truth… Yeshua is the Truth.

Removing the leaven from my home for 1 week is not too much to ask, it may be uncomfortable, but it’s a painting of a much bigger picture… the sin in my life that must be removed if I am to see Yahweh 🙂

In short, Yahweh takes sin VERY seriously and desires obedience from us willingly and we can see that very clearly in the first 6 chapters of Leviticus concerning certain sacrifices. It may be uncomfortable but fruit of obedience is eternally rewarding. We have been instructed to build up treasures in heaven 🙂

What a powerful study this was.. the first time I studied these chapters, it was me and Yahweh and I got so so much out of it. (I believe those notes are posted in my blog..) This time I was given the gift of studying this with an amazing group of people and we got so much more out of it than I could have imagined 🙂 I love my mishpocha 🙂

Praise Yah!! Blessings ya’ll. I hope you enjoyed these gleanings! If you have anything to add, please feel free! I treasure your insight!




20170401 Leviticus Week 24 Vayikra

Challenger Disaster – The Lost Money jerradgblog 20180221

Challenger Disaster – The Lost Money jerradgblog 20180221

“The good memories I have from the 80’s are sunny and NASA”. This was the thought that when through my head when I first turned on this video.

Two very prominent things stood out as I watched with high emotion a video called “Challenger Disaster -The Lost Tapes”.

1. “The only information we have is what NASA is giving us on the television” and

2. “The one thing the family members all seem to share in and that is their plea, the family members plea, that the program (space) loose no zip, that it go forward full speed.” -George Bush Sr.

I was 4 years old at the time. I was born in 81. I remember this event like it happened yesterday yet I have very little memories of my childhood.

I remember lakes and rivers and tv screens. Nothing that was going on around me was ever real. What was real was on that TV. What was real was NASA and the space program which was very exciting when I was a teenager.

Everything good I experienced growing up was from a TV or near a lake or a river or in a church.

There was a line that stood out in the aftermath of the Challenger psy op. “The only information we have is what NASA is giving us on the television”

“The only information we have is what NASA is giving us on the television”

“The only info on the president we have is what the News gives us on the television”

“Americans wont believe anything that’s not on the television” – Richard Nixon

How do you get a Nation’s attention and then make them believe anything you want them to? Put a tragic event on the television and then start talking.

The second thing that stood out to me was when the vice president made his speech about the event he said “The one thing the family members all seem to share in and that is their plea, the family members plea, that the program (space) loose no zip, that it go forward full speed.”

as soon as I heard that I sopped it. The emotion stopped and logic took over.

I was watching stuff that I remember being VERY important to me….. and then the vice president tells the public this

“The one thing the family members all seem to share in and that is their plea, the family members plea, that the program (space) loose no zip, that it go forward full speed.” -George Bush Sr.

This stuff was reality to me… where did I go wrong? I have no idea? I feel like I never had a chance at life but Yah is AMAZING!! Anyway, back to the point..

The ironic thing is, watching the NASA on the TV when I was a child made my 80’s seem sunny and full of NASA space program promise….

Little did I know that it was all an act and that all that money was really going to researching how to control the weather and the population and now our skies aren’t very sunny.

We may be able to see the sun a lot but the skies aren’t near as clear as they were back then due to all the spraying NASA does.. they take our tax money, spray us with toxins, fake a beautiful space program for our faces while stealing the sun…

All but 1 of the Challenger victims are still alive…

This was a bitter sweet experience for me… sweet because I was reminded what gave me hope as a child but bitter because the hope was false…

I am thankful to know exactly where to put my hope now;

Yahweh’s Torah made Flesh!

A link to the video; https://youtu.be/zlWdUsxu1-0

Challenger Disaster – The Lost Money jerradgblog 20180221

Torah, Work for Salvation?

This was articulated so well that I had to share it but I couldn’t share so I had to copy and paste. Thank Amy Lundmark! 

“Does obeying the terms of the covenant mean that you are working for your salvation?

The idea of “working for salvation” is a straw man set up by many in Christianity. One does not work for their salvation, one decides whether or not they choose to accept the terms of the Covenant that YHWH offers. 
If I get married, I enter into a covenant. I can’t go whoring around on my spouse and expect to remain in that covenant. Am I “working for my spouse’s love” by remaining true to the terms of my marriage covenant? Of course not, that’s absurd. 
The same is true of our relationship with YHWH. We can accept the terms of the covenant and receive the blessings promised in that covenant, or we can do things our own way and lose the benefits and blessings of that covenant. 
Christianity has falsely taught that the covenant terms no longer apply. More accurately, they selectively choose which ones they want to claim are still valid. 
But the truth is that the covenant promises were eternal. When Messiah returns there will be a new covenant, but until then we are to live according to the terms that He gave to both Israel AND to the foreigners who sojourned with Israel. 
The terms of the covenant (such as keeping the Sabbath set apart, observing YHWH’s Feast Days and appointed times, eating according to what YHWH declared to be clean or unclean, etc) are still for everyone who chooses to follow YHWH as Yeshua” -copied and pasted from Amy Lundmark.
The only thing that I would add is that Yah is Creator, he knows how to best function in his creation. He gave us the instruction on how to best function in his creation with Torah. creation functions in Torah therefore the only way to live really and truly free is by Yah’s beautiful instruction. 
Being under the laws doesn’t mean what the Christian church teaches that it means. If I’m driving down the street obeying the laws, I’m not under the law, the written law might as well not even exist. 
If I’m driving down the street ignoring the traffic laws (Which are written down so that those who would choose not to obey them can be held accountable for performing in a way which  will negatively affect other people on the road) Then, and only then, am I under the law. if I am under the law then I can be punished by the law. 
If I am not in transgression of the law, I am not under the law, therefore I cannot be punished by the law. 
The written Torah was given because of transgression.  Because man wasn’t living in true freedom, Because man was not respecting Yah’s creation.  Whether or not the instruction is written, it doesn’t change the fact that it is the proper way to function in Yahweh’s creation.
 In the new covenant, Yahweh promises to write his instruction on heart (Jeremiah 31:31- to the end of the chapter), Which he always intended in the first place. In order to allow Yahweh to write his instruction on my heart, I must study it. (The shema, Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
When Torah is written on my heart, it doesn’t have to be written on paper or on stone, the written Torah can be taken away at that point. 
Yeshua will remove sin (the transgression of Torah, 1 John 3:4). this doesn’t mean that he is going to make it to where sin is no longer sin. This doesn’t mean that he already did make it to where sin is no longer sin. just as Yahweh remains the same yesterday, today, forever;  sin will always be sin. heaven and earth must pass away because of transgression, to cleanse the creation of sin.  We are promised that Yahweh will give us a new heaven and a new earth. At that point there will no longer be a need for the written Torah (Matt 5:18) because it will be written on man’s heart 🙂 
I hope this clears up some confusion. 

Torah, Work for Salvation?

20170510 Lack of Confidence

20170510 Lack of Confidence

In a meeting I attended, we talked about how we feel about ourselves from our upbringing at home bleeds into our lives. Our lives at school, then in the workplace, and in our personal relationships. It made a lot of sense and got me thinking. I realized a lot about how I now feel about myself in relationships and about the things I tell myself without realizing it.

The discussion was about shame vs. embarrassment, humiliation, and guilt. Shame is different. Guilt is, I did something bad whereas shame is, I am bad. Embarrassment is a momentary, often funny, and very normal experience. Humiliation is an intense feeling of disgrace that we often feel we don’t deserve. Guilt is the experience of feeling conflicted about our behavior. Shame focuses upon who we are rather than what we have done.

Often, due to our upbringing, these temporary healthy feelings we get from situations turn into shame instead of helping us to focus on how to correct what made us feel that way. When I make a mistake that causes me embarrassment, humiliation, or guilt, instead of learning from the experience I often take on that mistake as part of my makeup which leads me into shame. I am a mistake instead of I made a mistake.

I was told by some people that I was a mistake growing up. I was told by some of the men in my mother’s life that I was fat and lazy among other things. I was young and didn’t know the difference. I wasn’t raised to do work. My brother and I were told to entertain ourselves out of the eye-shot and earshot of my guardians as I discussed in a previous blog entry.

The exercise has 5 questions;

How does this idea of shame fit with how you were raised or parented?

Without going into detail I can answer this by saying that I felt like I was a mistake. I felt abandoned and not good enough. Not good enough because, though I wasn’t compared to other children or my brother very often verbally, I realize now that I was caused to compare myself to other children in my head by being made to feel that I wasn’t good enough. The men my mother got with didn’t treat her or my brother and I too well. I don’t know that they knew how to and it doesn’t matter today anyway because it’s my job to correct my life, not theirs. If I stay angry and hurt then I’m only victimizing myself instead of correcting the issue in my life.

How does this fit with your experience at school?

I got made fun of a lot. I tried to do well scholastically but often couldn’t muster the motivation to study and do well.

How does this fit with your employment experiences?

I couldn’t muster the motivation or drive to do well at work. I only wanted to be entertained. I hated being at work because I wasn’t “comfortable”.

How does this fit with your current relationships?

It does in that I rarely feel that I am good enough to spend time. I have a lack of self; I don’t know myself very well as of yet therefore I bring a lack of self into my relationships. I am learning about myself and am learning to love this man I see in the mirror. I now have trouble feeling confident that I can remain accepted and loved/liked/enjoyed after the person gets to know me.

How does this fit with the way you talk to yourself?

I do positive self-affirmation in the mirror but I still find myself not knowing what to do or say while with other people, especially a woman in whom I find interest. Sometimes the memory of a past mistake comes to the surface and it bites me and I think or say out loud “Aaaagg I’m such a _____ (insert any insult). The thing I’ve started doing when those mistakes creep to the surface is I think about them. I allow them to be there and I pray for forgiveness and I also speak out loud that I forgive myself for making that mistake, I acknowledge that Yahweh loves me regardless and that if I can say that I will not do that again willingly and knowingly, I can rest assured that Yahweh has forgiven me. I might even write it down if I am in a position to do so.

I discussed in a recent post about how I got addicted to mindless entertainment growing up and how that effects my physical and mental sobriety today. I won’t go back into that too much (https://jerradgblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/20170424-crossed-the-line-into-addiction/) except to say that my guardians’ attempts to shield my brother and I from their own habits created in me the feeling of abandonment and of not being good enough.

I felt like I wasn’t good enough, I’ve always felt that way. I sought the entertainment and felt that the only way to feel joy was to be entertained. I don’t even recall having a desire to be around my mom and her significant other because I had already gotten used to the need for the entertainment as far back as I can remember back to now. I simply remember wanting to be where the entertainment was, the video games being the most desired form.

The thought that I am not good enough, the need to be entertained, and being compared to other people are three feelings of inadequacy that I now know that I have dealt with my entire life.

At home I was compared to my brother by men in my mother’s life. Not so much verbally but by the fact that they would include m brother in doing things that men and boys do. Things like fishing and hiking, hunting, among other things. My brother got to do those things with the men but I didn’t. I didn’t understand why. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and instead of going I would have to entertain myself somehow. It hurt. I was also, in a sense, being compared to my brother because he was allowed to go and I wasn’t. What made him worthy but not me? I didn’t know.

At school I got made fun of. I wasn’t included in groups of peers in social activities; not at school or at church. By being made fun of and not included, I was, once again, comparing myself to my peers. What made me so unworthy? Of course I didn’t care about health, it’s very hard to be concerned about such when the only thin I know that made me feel better or good at something was the TV, movies, and/or video games. I got fat and remained overweight until just before I got the boot from the Navy.

This effected my work ethic in tragic ways as I had no interest in being a good employee. All I wanted to do is seek the entertainment. To make myself feel better. School work and employment work suffered because I couldn’t muster the drive and motivation to do a good job at either. Truly, I couldn’t! Looking back, it was truly impossible for me. My Navy career suffered, every job I’ve ever had except for my current job suffered, and my relationships suffer to this very day. I know it’s hard to believe that I did not have the ability to do a good job but it’s true. I don’t think I could possibly explain it but I really couldn’t muster the ability to do a good job…

I know this because there were brief periods in all three areas where I was able to, and did do a good job and there was something different that I can’t explain about those times but, not only was it doable, it was a joy to do well those times. That’s not to say that they were easy tasks but I found joy in the challenge. It felt good those times to do a good job. Perhaps it was a glimpse of a miraculous psychic change or spiritual experience. Something that I would later require to have this a permanent part of my makeup.

My relationships suffered and still do. Friendships are usually short lived. I’m good at making friends but I wear out my welcome or, for some reason, the other person doesn’t want to be friends anymore. There are a few exceptions to this. I have very few good, close friends but I do have them, and those friends are very close! Most of the people that I get along with the most are either at long distance or I don’t know them in person. At this current time I have no close friends who live int he same town as me. I don’t understand it but it’s true.

Don’t get me wrong, I have friends but not a “best friend”. Who knows, I could be wrong, perhaps even now I am comparing myself to what I perceive others having in the way of best friends or close friends.

My relationships with women are the same way. I am fairly good at getting their attention and getting in contact with them (getting her number) and we might even hang out once or twice but it rarely goes farther than that. When we are spending time, I feel awkward, I’m not used to it and don’t know how to act (like myself right?) or what to do. It’s worst when a little intimacy is starting to happen. (not physical or sexual intimacy, I’m talking about eye to eye conversation and feelings) I don’t know what to do and have a very hard time just being together. Looking into each others’ eyes. I usually find a way to make an exit because I’m scared of ruining what we might have. I fear saying the wrong thing or taking the wrong action. I know now that I need to let the intimacy happen and experience it. I need to have the confidence to realize that if something I’ve said or done makes her go away, she wasn’t meant to be there in the first place. I also need to have the confidence to learn from my mistakes.

After today, I now know where all of this stems from which is HUGE for me because I have a better means by which I can mature in this department. I now know WHEN I need to go back to in order to grow in confidence and heal those insecurities. I mentioned that there were brief times when it would be easy for me to find the motivation and drive to do well at work. I know now how I got there. I mentioned that those brief times were brief spiritual experiences, well, I now know how to make that a spiritual life. Yahweh has made me an amazing employee because of that spiritual life.

It is through living the Beatitudes in the simplicity of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, or any other 12 step program as directed by the instructions given in Big Book of AA on how to work those steps.

I must extend that work into my personal relationships if I am going to succeed. I must eliminate those fears. I am a confident person today. Fear is beginning to take a back seat to faith and it’s grip on me is loosening especially at work. It still grips me tighter in my personal relationships but that is also improving!

Realizing this is miraculous to me. The joy and motivation has taken over the inability to do well. Now instead of having the inability to muster the motivation to work with brief periods of easily acquired motivation I have the ability to be a good employee with very brief periods of lack of motivation and those are easily extinguished. There is now so much more joy in growth and gaining knowledge, wisdom, and ability, than in the entertainment. I have discovered art and developed a passion for that to the point of it being profitable in the candle making and in other forms. Honing these skills is building confidence which will bleed into school, into work, into my personal relationships, and ultimately into what I think about myself. Eliminating fear by simply abandoning my own thoughts of what right living (righteousness) is and accepting Yahweh’s righteousness which is has giving us in black and white. I get to face my fears. It is possible. I can be what my creator wants me to be! by living by the instructions He gave for His design for living in Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7 which points back to Torah; those beautiful Beatitudes which, until 2016, I avoided like the plague out of…. wait for it…. FRIKKEN FEAR!?!?!

I am going to start going into detail concerning my experiences in working out the Beatitudes. I will teach you what I have done and am doing and hopefully motivate and encourage you to work out the Beatitudes in your life too.

By the way, not only did I suffer because of my home life, I also learned to do the same things to others. Hide from you because my lifestyle was something I don’t want you to see or experience. I compared my mother to those who I thought were the ideal mother of an adult without realizing that I’m doing the same thing that her and her men did to me. I excluded you from my activities. I must end this cycle if I am going to have meaningful relationships.

I am working on these things now!! I can and will take actions required to allow Yahweh to heal me. I couldn’t before because I didn’t know the truth of the root of the damaged parts of my personality. I know the truth of their origins now and the truth can only do one things; SET US FREE!!!

20170510 Lack of Confidence

20170504 Thoughts on Addiction

20170504 Thoughts on Addiction

I had a conversation with a gentleman a few days ago and part of the conversation had to do with alcoholism. He told me something similar to what many Christians have told me in the past. Advice which, in part, never helped me stay sober. That’s not to diminish what this man told me. He added to the advice extra advice that I have never received. I also trust this man but my experience with some of what he told me never has amounted much to my sobriety.

He told me that I shouldn’t call myself an alcoholic because in doing so I am keeping defeat in my mind. I have taken to calling myself a recovered alcoholic because that’s what the book says. It says that we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body; and indeed I have.

He said, like many Christians, especially those in the charismatic denominations of such, that I’m not an alcoholic.

He did say it differently than the charismatic Christians say it though. The Christians tell me that Jesus will work magic and take it from me. That he would cure me and I’d be able to drink like a normal person.

The thing this man added is that my body needs raw fat and if I consume raw fat it would remove my mental obsession for alcohol.

I don’t know how true that is s I have never tested that. I also don’t feel that I really need to.

When I say raw fat, I’m talking about fat from either milk (cream) or from plants such as avocados. Also Sushi. I think the sushi would be breaking Torah but the cream and the avocado I can do. And LOVE to do! Of course we’re talking raw milk, not pasteurized milk. That crap is really bad fro the human body!

He suggested I eat some fruit with raw cream and honey for breakfast and make avocados a staple in my diet. I think I like that idea!

As far as eating for cutting cravings, I know something else that works, but it also provides me with shalom or serenity; the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, which are the Beatitudes of Matthew chapter 5.

What I have learned of alcoholism, though, if true, would make that advice bad for me. Dr. Silkworth and the first 100 sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous, along with many millions of alcoholics and doctors after those, have a different opinion on what alcoholism is, and I tend to agree out of my own experience.

It’s a combination of two maladies. The first is a physical allergy.

When someone is allergic to peanuts, for example, it means that their body has a tangible and noticeable adverse reaction to peanuts. When the touch or eat peanuts they have a painful or sickly reaction to them. What is the solution to the plight? Simply stay away from peanuts.

One would think that the person would be crazy to go near peanuts if they have and know well that they have an allergy to them yet the person who has an allergy to alcohol goes back to it again and again.

The alcoholic is allergic to alcohol. When we consume alcohol our body reacts with what the doctor calls the phenomenon of craving. We want more with a craving so strong it is near impossible to resist. Not like a normal person or even a heavy drinker, we alcoholics cannot physically stop ourselves from drinking more when we start and if we do, we are miserable and so are all others around us.

The second part of the disease is a spiritual malady. It centers in our minds. This malady runs parallel to our sound thinking and crowds it out. The doctor calls this the obsession of the mind or mental obsession. An obsession is a persistent thought that does not respond to reasoning. This destroys the idea of paying attention to triggers and “playing the tape through” because both of those actions require reason.. Again, we have a mental obsession which is a persistent thought that DOES NOT respond to reasoning.

Knowing that once we take one we cannot stop yet we still go back to it every time has caused a great many a normal folk to simply say that the alcoholic is just crazy.. not so, we are sick. Once this mental obsession hits our sound thinking is silent to the noise of the obsession and we almost can’t help but to drink. We may win for a short time but one day the mental obsession will be too strong and we will drink again, and for us, to drink is to die.

A seemingly hopeless state of mind and body!

So, what can stop this obsession so that the alcoholic doesn’t have to pick up the first drink? I’m glad you asked.

Dr Silkworth, Bill W., and the first 100 sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous found that the only way to have this obsession removed is what they call a vital spiritual experience or a spiritual awakening. Where one’s motives are overhauled and a new set of motives are accepted and installed thus removing the obsession. Only God can do this.

Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall SEE GOD” which implies that without a pure heart one cannot see God and therefore receive the intrinsic nature or Set-Apart Spirit that only He can provide. We are blocked from His power because of our sin. In order to get unblocked for God and His Power one must follow Yeshua’s instructions and work out the previous Beatitudes to the pure in heart.

The 12 steps are those Beatitudes broken into simple, but not easy, steps and the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” is simply the instructions which the first 100 sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous followed and worked out to achieve the pureness of heart required to allow God to work in their lives.

If we have resentment, fear, self-pity, fear, selfishness, and self-centeredness in us, these sins block us from receiving God’s power in our lives.


Knowing what alcoholism is according to the experience of millions upon millions of alcoholics, drug addicts, and doctors who have tried to help them, I don’t know if raw fat can remove that spiritual malady, or mental obsession (insane thinking which does not respond to reason). Maybe a simple craving but I’m not sure about the obsession. Anyway, I do treasure the advice given by my dear friend but I also treasure the reliance upon Yahweh by doing the work He told us all to do through His Son, Yeshua the Messiah, much better. Serenity lies on the other side of this hard work.

That’s not to say I won’t eat me some fruit, raw honey, raw cream, and avocados though, I LOVES me some raw cream, honey, fruit, and avocados!!

20170504 Thoughts on Addiction

20170503 Miracles in Action

20170503 Miracles in Action

Today I got to hear about, and then witness a miracle. I got to see the power of Yahweh at work in another person’s life. The smile on my face right now and the reason behind this smile is high encouragement to keep hold and run with this beautiful way of life.

A woman with whom I went through 5 North substance abuse rehabilitation program at the Dallas VA Medical Center in January of 2016 went through trial last week in effort for her and her husband to get their children back from foster care from the CPS. I saw her earlier in the store where she told me of the results of the trial and the pain she went through during the trial. She and her husband got their children back!! She was so excited that her family, through her hard work and dedication to her relationship with God, has finally been reunited at long last. I felt her joy.

Well, I went to an AA meeting tonight where I got the pleasure of watching her, her husband, and their children walk in. I got the joy of seeing the reunited family and that is absolutely beautiful. I was almost in tears. To see the repair the Father has done in this woman’s family is a true gift.

Back in January 2016 I entered the 5 North rehab program after a long drug and alcohol habit. I had been up for 8 days on meth amphetamines and ended up in the psych ward detoxing at the Dallas VA Medical Center. 3 weeks after the detox, I entered 5 North.

I got an AA sponsor as soon as I met a man who had what I wanted spiritually. I did absolutely everything he asked me to do. I worked the steps, which are the Beatitudes of Matthew chapter 5, thoroughly and honestly. Yahweh changed my heart and my mind through this work which is the design for living Yeshua the Messiah instructs us all to live by. It was a lot of hard work but it has made me a different man, a better man, Yahweh’s man!

A week after entering 5 North, the woman I am writing about entered the program. She was severely beaten up. She came in weighing 105 lbs with a 109 mg per day methadone habit. CPS had taken her children away and she looked like walking death. No, she looked lower than death… she looked like death would be a good thing for her. She looked like a walking corpse. She struggled, oh did she struggle. I wanted to help her but I was busy putting the oxygen mask on myself, I had nothing to offer. Plus, she is a woman, therefore would be better helped by a woman in whom the problem had been solved by God through this precious design for living.

I got to watch her struggle but improve. Life returned to her as she grew. She worked the steps with an amazing woman with whom I am now friends. With much misgiving she worked hard for a relationship with God that would save her life. I watched her gain some weight back. I saw color return to her skin. I saw life return to her eyes.

One year and three months after I watched her struggle into the 5 North rehab, I got to hear about, and see with my own eyes, the reassembly of her family. I am absolutely in awe of the love, the mercy, the justice, and the grace of Yahweh’s power in another person’s life.

She, as well as many millions of other people including myself, has witnessed first hand, those blessed Beatitudes spoken of by Yeshua the Messiah to us all in Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7. Our Abba’s beautiful design for living given to us by Yeshua, His son, our lord and savior.

Praise Yahweh!!!

20170503 Miracles in Action

20170423 Spiritual Living

20170423 Spiritual Living

Spirituality, I’ve been taught, simply means doing the next right thing despite self. We are all here together on this Earth and by that, we are all connected. Knowing that each and every action I take, each and every decision I make, does not just have an effect on me. My actions effect others directly, or indirectly, even if I take those actions alone. Therefore, spiritual living means that I make decisions with others in mind as well as myself.

What are the correct actions to take? Yahweh has given us instruction on how to properly live in His creation. He created this thing, after all, so, wouldn’t He know how to function properly in it?

The instruction of which I speak is beautiful and is applied in two parts; loving Yahweh with all my heart, soul, and might, and loving my neighbor as myself. Where am I in that?

I am in all of it. Who is it that is instructed to love Yahweh with all his heart, soul, and might? Me! Who is it that is instructed to love his neighbor as himself? Me! And who is it that is instructed to love himself (love your neighbor AS YOURSELF)? Me!

With Yahweh’s perfect instruction, or Torah, in mind; what does it mean to love myself? Does it mean to chase my feelings? I hardly think so, for by doing so I often step on the toes of others in favor of making myself feel better. Does it mean that I do whatever I want to? Do what makes me feel good? Once again, I hardly think so, unless what I want to do has a positive impact on others. So long as my decisions are based on Yahweh’s perfect Instruction I am okay. If I take action without Yahweh’s instruction in mind, I am in violation. I am in sin.

So then, once again, what does it mean to love myself? It must mean that I must abandon myself and live the proper way which is according to that perfect Instruction. It must mean loving Yahweh with all my heart, soul, and strength and loving my neighbor as myself. Only then am I truly living free.

What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself? If loving myself means to live by Yahweh’s perfect Instruction then loving my neighbor as myself must mean that I treat others according to that perfect instruction.

So, once again, what does it mean to love Yahweh with all my heart, soul, and strength and love my neighbor as myself? Well, Yeshua gives us that answer. He tells us that those two categories of instruction are the Law and prophets, therefore, in order to learn how to love my neighbor as myself and how to love Yahweh with all my heart, soul, and strength, I MUST consult the Law and prophets. I must learn Yahweh’s perfect instruction, His Torah!

Imagine that! Yahweh has given us His Instruction in black and white! He has let us know exactly how His creation functions and how to properly function in it, and that is by Torah.

It seems to me that the love flows backwards from the end of the two categories to the front… love myself, for without that how can I possibly love another? Then love my neighbor as myself which is loving Yahweh with all of my heart, soul, and strength.

How did Yeshua tell us to love others? He said to do to others as I would have them do to me. He said, “Let your light (fruit, actions, results) so shine (attract, direct, light the path to The Way) before all men that they may see your good works (obedience to Yahweh in Torah) and glorify(make attractive, desire to be obedient to Yahweh as well seeing the results, or fruit, of your obedience; desire to live by Torah) your Father which is in heaven.

Spiritual living must, therefore, mean; abandoning my selfish thoughts, desires, and actions and making decisions based on Yahweh’s heart, his perfect Instruction; on Torah! Abandoning human spirit or intrinsic nature, which is sinful, in favor of the Set-Apart Spirit; The Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature of Yahweh, which is Yahweh.

20170423 Spiritual Living

20170421 The Holy Spirit

20170421 The Holy Spirit

Holy: Set apart

All humans have the human spirit. This isn’t an entity that resides inside of us. The spirit of anger, spirit of depression.. it is an intrinsic nature.

Our lives are nothing more than decision making.. Lines of decision making which have results. We choose to wake up at a certain time and do certain things either to our benefit or our detriment. We choose what actions to take throughout the day. We make decisions on how to treat the people who we are in contact with. Every thing we do is based on decision making and that decision making is based on our intrinsic nature.

This intrinsic nature is what drives us. It is what motivates our decisions. We base our decision making on our intrinsic nature. We often have more than one intrinsic nature warring against each other. When we choose what to eat for breakfast I often have one intrinsic nature which is based on comfort which cries for doughnuts and coffee whereas I have another intrinsic nature which is a little more healthy crying out for a healthier choice for breakfast. When I encounter people, my treatment of them is based on whichever intrinsic nature I allow to win the battle.

This brings me to Yahweh, Yeshua, and the Set-Apart Spirit. This brings me to belief.

What does it actually mean to “believe in Yeshua”? What does it mean to believe in anything. We base our decisions based on our true beliefs, our intrinsic natures. Belief isn’t simply understanding something exists. It is deeper than that. It is belief in something and all that entails.

Belief in Yahweh, in Yeshua, allowing Him to be my lord and savior, goes much deeper than simply understanding that He exists. It means believing Him at His Word. Believing that what He prescribes is the best for us. Without this obedience, belief doesn’t actually exist.

My human spirit or intrinsic nature, as Rab Shaul or Paulos says, wars against Yahweh’s Spirit, his Set-Apart Spirit, or His intrinsic nature. That still small voice. The voice that is hard to hear when I allow my intrinsic nature credit in my life. Belief in Yeshua means that I must be willing to allow Him in on every decision I make from here on out.

I must believe His Word, His instruction and consider Him, His instruction when making every decision. That is what is so important about Torah (His instruction).

John 1 informs us that Yeshua is the walking talking Torah. Torah is the instruction, the Word, that I am to consider when making every decision. Yeshua is the embodiment of that because He never once made a decision without abiding by that instruction. He IS the Instruction because of that!

There is only ONE who possesses, or will live that instruction every second of every day. He fulfilled that Instruction every second of every day. He always had that nature from the beginning. Because he was made flesh, He did possess the sinful human intrinsic nature but He allowed the Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature rule over the human intrinsic nature. He was our example of what it means to make decisions based on The Way, the Torah, Yahweh’s instruction on how to function properly in His creation.

If your parents, when you were a child, instruct you to clean your room or take out the trash, does the fulfillment of that instruction mean that you’ll never have to clean your room or take out the trash again? Do you then throw out what has been fulfilled? No! For you married folk, do you fulfill your spouse? If you didn’t, I’d argue they wouldn’t be your spouse. When you have fulfilled your spouse, do you then throw them out? Heaven forbid! Why then do we assume that, because Yeshua fulfilled His Instruction, we are to then throw it out? That doesn’t make sense. He said Himself that He didn’t come to abolish Torah. Why would He start with that if his next statement meant to throw it out?

He didn’t fulfill the Torah so that we don’t have to live by it, He is our example. Yeshua is the only one who Has ever been able to show us perfectly how to do it.

Abraham couldn’t show us perfectly, Moshe (Moses) couldn’t show us perfectly (which is why he didn’t enter the promised land); not even David or Solomon could show us. Only Yeshua had the Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature of Yahweh (The Holy Spirit) from the get go and ONLY he could allow that nature to override the human spirit in every decision He ever made. Yeshua is the ONLY one who could be that perfect example, that blemish-less Passover Lamb.

In coming to believe, we must be wiling to do what he did in that He always made every single decision based on His Father’s instruction; Torah.

If we are willing to do that; if we are willing to make every decision we make on His instruction, on Torah; then, and only then, can we say that we truly believe in Him. One cannot say that they truly believe Him if the don’t believe His instruction.

When we practice life (decision making) with Torah, with His Instruction; our human spirit takes a back seat and His Set-Apart Spirit, His Intrinsic Nature, can then enter us and take over our decision making but only if we allow it to. This Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature is that still, small voice… we must put our human spirit, human intrinsic nature, in the back seat and allow Yahweh’s Holy Spirit, Yahweh’s Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature to be the number one driving force in our decision making.

Obedience! Yahweh desires our obedience… of course, we cannot be obedient to His instruction, His Torah, without Faith. We must have faith that His Instruction is the right way. “the just shall live by faith”. It is VERY uncomfortable to throw out everything I’ve ever thought, felt, desired in favor of another way, even The Way, Torah, Yeshua, Torah made flesh. It takes that faith to be rid of myself, my human spirit, my intrinsic nature to the extent that it contends with that still, small voice, the Holy Spirit, Yahweh’s Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature.

Belief that His Way is is not the best way to live, but the ONLY way to live. Everything else is death!

When we are obedient, He gives us His Intrinsic Nature, The Holy Spirit, which is Torah.

Life is decision making… let’s stop making decisions based on our sinful human nature, Let’s start making decisions based on Yahweh’s Set-Apart Nature!

Of course we are going to mess up. Especially when emotion and feelings get involved… Yochanon or John tells us in 1 John that, when we do sin (break Torah), we have an advocate with the Father, that advocate being Yeshua. He knows how strong that human spirit, that human intrinsic nature is. He had it when he was in the flesh.

We can only receive the Holy Spirit, Yahweh’s Set-Apart Intrinsic Nature if we truly believe that it is The Way, that Yeshua is The Way.

20170421 The Holy Spirit